What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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