dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
