dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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