Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
