Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
