Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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