so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
