well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
