bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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