My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Will exercising make me less horny?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
