just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
