ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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