We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
