Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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