Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
