Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize