Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
