Me too!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
