If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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