their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
