i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
