I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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