Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
