you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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