He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
