I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
