How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
