ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
