apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
