she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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