I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if only i could text you this smell
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
