My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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