Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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