he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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