Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
