didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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