I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize