She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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