Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
