She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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