I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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