if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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