he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
