Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
A+ Viking dick
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
