There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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