Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
