smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
