Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
