Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
