Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
