i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
