hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize