i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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