CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
