Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
