somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
