I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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