Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
