You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
