I bet he comes in French.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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