thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
