No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
