Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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