if you like me you must not know who I am
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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