i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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