I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize