I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
