just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
