dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
