just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
