I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
