Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
