I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
