is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
