her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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