The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just invented taco cereal.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need to sanitize my soul.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He shit in the fireplace
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
