i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
