She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
