just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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