Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
