Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
