I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
