Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
