The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
