dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
