Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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