You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize