Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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