Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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