Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
