you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
