I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
