ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
