So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
