VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
