oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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