last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
