please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
