So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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